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Among Friends

by in contrast

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Sabrina Boyd
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Collin McClutchy
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1.
Among Friends 02:16
lyrics
Were you happier then? All these feelings you kept from your kin Was it worth it for them Confusing your pride with your sins It slipped through your hands You're deteriorating again Are you happier then? Were you happier then? Were you happier then? All these feelings you kept from your kin Was it worth it for them? Confusing your pride with your sins It slipped through your hands You're deteriorating again Are you happier, man? With the secrets you've shared among friends
2.
Lafayette Park 05:10
lyrics
The last six months have been a turn around When I thought was up was only falling down At the edge of a cliff am I a jumper now It’s a bottomless pit I’ll never hit the ground The one that I’ve let down the most is myself And the monster I’ve become is a product of my long neglected mental health Oh, I wanna get you back but you’re fading to my past And I’ve always had a bad memory Slow dance with me In Lafayette park I’ll let you take the lead As we fall apart Been talking to strangers on the internet Tell ‘em the feelings that I can’t suppress My therapist says I gotta get some rest Don’t give my number, waiting for your text The thing that I miss most is my side of the bed When I sleep with your ghost I don’t know if it’s in my heart or in my head Oh, I wanna get you back but you’re fading to my past And I’ve always had a bad memory Slow dance with me In Lafayette park I’ll let you take the lead As we fall apart We’ll waltz among the trees Cause I can’t dance alone We’ll watch the falling leaves And I’ll watch as you drive home Everyone tells me I’ll get better But I’m not better yet I’m not better yet No I’m not better yet I’m not better yet Better yet Better yet
3.
Noise 03:10
lyrics
I took your photos off my wall today Never thought it’d be so hard to see your face Where they hung they left a shadow in the paint To match the holes I’ve had to carve out of my brain I’ve been writing songs that use your name I tried using my own cause I’m the one to blame Every night I have this dream things haven’t changed But when I wake up with the sun, oh it's all in vain Will I be whole again Collect my organs from the ground Piece me back together with what you found Will I be heard again Can you hear me crying out Or will my voice just drown inside this noise When did I become a weight you had to pull around When did I become a burden you had to carry Tie me to an anchor, watch as it drags me down Then I’ll finally swing the axe I’ve been meaning to bury Will I be whole again Collect my organs from the ground Piece me back together with what you found Will I be heard again Can you hear me crying out Or will my voice just drown inside this noise Inside this noise Inside this void Will I drown in this Noise Inside this void
4.
Four Years Ago 04:19
lyrics
Am I the same man I was four years ago today Cause when I look at you I still feel the same way And it seems that I wandered far from the house we built with our own hands And you reached out to me as I got myself stuck in the sand Now I'm watching old videos that we used to make And I can hardly recognize the guy I'm seeing on that tape We’ve got the same scars and we share the same name What’s happened since those days It's not your job to save me from my self No it's not your fault I couldn't ask for help I can’t expect you to just wait for the storm to end As you say goodbye it starts to rain again As the seasons change they weigh heavy on my mind I’ve been sinking deeper losing footings all the time The clouds are moving in, overcast in my eyes Bet you’re running for shelter I’m stuck paralyzed It's not your job to save me from myself No It Isn’t your fault I couldn't ask for help I can’t expect you to just wait for the storm to end And as you say goodbye it starts to rain again It seems that I got lost in the woods And you stood by my side for as long as you could Before I die oh I should Try to find the guy you fell in love with And before you go would you just tell me this Am I the same man I was four years ago today Cause when I look at you I still feel the same
5.
4AM 03:08
lyrics
She's calling me babe And pulling my hair Doesn’t know my name But I don't fucking care We met at the bar Just across the park Two empty shells Trying to get off We are only strangers Parallel lines separating But come four am I'll be alone again We're trying to be whole I'm jumping your bones Surrender control Pretending it's love Never more than strangers Unlocking the door as I sink in Would it be weird if I asked your name again? Only strangers A couple of kids trynna fit in We’re skin on skin but i'm stuck in my head You remind me of my ex I think I might regret Bringing you home You’re collecting all your clothes I'm asking if you'll call I should have known We are only strangers I'm reading the signs that you're giving Won't you call your car and leave me alone again We are only strangers Believing the lies that we're saying How is it four am again? We are only strangers Parallel lines separating It’s 4am and I'm all alone again We are only strangers Parallel lines separating It’s 4 am and I'm all alone again
6.
Ghost 04:22
lyrics
I should’ve let you die from that heart attack Back in two thousand and five I wish that I didn’t react Embracing unknown contents of the coming days Call it a faithful leap or playing it safe I'm still tending to the bruises that you left on my soul And the mental tax you charged I'm still in debt to that toll In a dozen years the dust collects on untouched stepping stones Will I ever shake it all You were a ghost Haunting my home You were a ghost Haunting my home You were a ghost Then in two thousand sixteen I received your written word With a postmark from where you had been, a place I’ve never heard And in negative degrees I recited your deceit Spelled out for me I was a ghost Haunting my home I was a ghost Haunting my home I was a ghost Maybe better off alone Mom and Meg and me, we’re all getting along You’ve been replaced by a better man who fills a space You could never hold Now you’re a ghost Haunting my home Now you’re a ghost Haunting my home Now you’re a ghost Haunting my home Now you’re a ghost You are a ghost You're haunting my home You are a ghost You're haunting my home You are a ghost You're haunting my home
7.
Does God Hate Me 04:44
lyrics
Does god hate me cause I hated him first, Or is it the other way around When I take my final sleep will we share some harsh words Or will silence be the only sound I’m asking you Why am I alive When better men are in the ground When I was seventeen my life had just begun My world was green and blue Now at twenty three I'm sleepwalking to oblivion And my friends are asking what's happened to you what's happened to me, to what I used to be, I’m a let down who was such good company And I'm not sure I can do next time I've lost my will Will I lose my mind Am I just passing time until my day arrives Just Waiting on that sun to quit rising Cause now I'm lost at night, grasping at shadows And at this point I've got nothing to lose There’s ghouls in the dark And I keep missing my mark It's in the pages if only I could understand the language Ooh Ooh Why am I alive Why am I alive Why am I alive when better men are in the ground

about

This record the result of the day I woke up and realized that I hated myself. The sudden understanding that all of the shit I was going through at the time was largely caused by my refusal to deal with own emotions, and improve my mental health.

I had recently lost my job and my girlfriend (in the same day), started a new job that I fucking hated. My relationships with my friends and family were deteriorating, and I could feel myself becoming more and more repulsed by the man I saw in the mirror. Playing guitar and writing lyrics quickly became my main outlet for these feelings, as I tried to piece my thoughts together.

The good news is that in the three years since beginning this journey, those feelings have largely been turned around. I started going to therapy, I started talking to my friends and family about my feelings, and most importantly I started facing myself, head on, as honestly as I could.

I can say that now I am changed person, and I owe a lot of that change to this record and all of the people who helped make it along the way.

I don't say this enough, but to those people that have been there for me - thank you, I love you, and I owe it all to you.

credits

released January 28, 2022

written by: Collin McClutchy and Abrielle Scharff

engineered/produced/mixed by: Collin McClutchy

co-produced/co-engineered by: Abrielle Scharff

featuring performances by: Collin McClutchy, Abrielle Scharff, Danny Caro, Bobby Sciacca, and Sean Jones

mastered by: Steve Meara

album art by: Joe Leib (@wurmtongue)

special thanks to:

Mom, Dad, and Meghan for always supporting me, and listening to the awful songs I wrote in high school.

Laynie for always being encouraging, and crying the first time she listened to this record.

My roommates (Bobby, Danny, Elliot, and Blue the Cat) for putting up with my sad shit all the time.

Sam Barna for listening to my early mixes and not telling me I'm stupid.

Aaron and the rest of the Leesta Vall crew for giving me an incredible place to work and equipment to use.

All of my producing/engineering mentors over the years, for giving me the tools to realize this vision (In no particular order: Mike Harmon, Alan Day, Jonathan Jetter, Silas Brown, Adam Cichocki, and Jay Maas)

All the people that gave me vocal samples, AKA my digital choir (Abby McCarthy, Andrea Corona, Danny Caro, Elliot Davis, Claire Lenz, Josh Dib, Caroline Atkins, Sabrina Boyd-Surka, Matt Boyd-Surka, Meghan McClutchy, Jon Sawyer Coffin, Annie McLean, James Czajka)

My therapist, Andre, for convincing me to quit my day job.

And last, but certainly not least, Wizards of the Coast for making Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition.

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in contrast Brooklyn, New York

emo music for dumb nerds

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